I wrote this around 2 years ago. I decided I want to share today. Sometimes it is good to see where you've been.
The Consistent Good Things
I am only twenty three and I have no clue what the phrase “settling down” truly means.
I understand the meaning of it but to fully comprehend it, what it feels like and experience it... I am clueless.
In my life the only consistent things growing up have been bad things. Things like being hungry, being in pain, losing a pet or person, etc.
At twenty three I find myself on the verge of becoming a mother and currently I am a wife. These are life altering, life long changes that “settle” me in many ways.
There are behaviors I’ve dropped, thought processes I’ve changed, and spiritual awakenings that can never be put back to sleep.
It’s all a part of this thing we call growing up. I am not afraid of it or at least I wasn’t as afraid of it as I am now. It does seems as though it gets more and more intense and fierce as I plunge deeper into it’s existence.
Fear, this is a nasty demon I seem to battle in nearly everything I do.
Obviously I don’t comprehend perfect love or else it would cast this savage out from me.
Back to my point.
I am young, I don’t feel it but it’s true. I guess young people don’t feel how juvenile they really are, as the elderly feel the age in which they really are.
I have a wonderful husband. He keeps nothing from me and never leaves me wanting.
My son is due to make his debut into this cruel barbaric world any day now.
I can not intelligently express my feelings of love, devotion, passion and so much more that I have for this gift of a child.
These are two of the best consistent things in my life, my husband and son.
They make me want to be better and more resolved, grounded, reconciled, focused, all these things that are summed up in being “settled”.
The scary part of it all is just the unknown. I’ve only known the consistent bad things.
I have this amazing, beautiful opportunity in my life to know the consistent good things from here on out with my husband and son.
If only I can let go of what I have known and embrace the unknown.
This is my chance, my one shot. This is a miracle that shows God has made a way where I once believed there was none.
The rest of my life will be, the consistent good things.