I wrote this around 2 years ago. I decided I want to share today. Sometimes it is good to see where you've been.
The Consistent Good Things
I am only twenty three and I have no clue what the phrase “settling down” truly means.
I understand the meaning of it but to fully comprehend it, what it feels like and experience it... I am clueless.
In my life the only consistent things growing up have been bad things. Things like being hungry, being in pain, losing a pet or person, etc.
At twenty three I find myself on the verge of becoming a mother and currently I am a wife. These are life altering, life long changes that “settle” me in many ways.
There are behaviors I’ve dropped, thought processes I’ve changed, and spiritual awakenings that can never be put back to sleep.
It’s all a part of this thing we call growing up. I am not afraid of it or at least I wasn’t as afraid of it as I am now. It does seems as though it gets more and more intense and fierce as I plunge deeper into it’s existence.
Fear, this is a nasty demon I seem to battle in nearly everything I do.
Obviously I don’t comprehend perfect love or else it would cast this savage out from me.
Back to my point.
I am young, I don’t feel it but it’s true. I guess young people don’t feel how juvenile they really are, as the elderly feel the age in which they really are.
I have a wonderful husband. He keeps nothing from me and never leaves me wanting.
My son is due to make his debut into this cruel barbaric world any day now.
I can not intelligently express my feelings of love, devotion, passion and so much more that I have for this gift of a child.
These are two of the best consistent things in my life, my husband and son.
They make me want to be better and more resolved, grounded, reconciled, focused, all these things that are summed up in being “settled”.
The scary part of it all is just the unknown. I’ve only known the consistent bad things.
I have this amazing, beautiful opportunity in my life to know the consistent good things from here on out with my husband and son.
If only I can let go of what I have known and embrace the unknown.
This is my chance, my one shot. This is a miracle that shows God has made a way where I once believed there was none.
The rest of my life will be, the consistent good things.
Congratulations!
ReplyDeleteMay I make some suggestions?
Don't hide the truth from your child. There are child-appropriate ways to answer his questions. Every child knows that a bad touch is an unwanted one, and is instinctively understanding. And your son will be empowered to speak up if he is ever abused. I had to tell my older child at three because she wanted to know why she never saw my parents, and the younger child grew up knowing. Unfortunately, I had to tell her not to repeat it to anyone, but that's the world we live in. I hated having to tell her that.
When your past gets to you, explain so your child knows he isn't responsible. This way he knows there are cause and effect patterns in the world that are not centred on him, and starts to get a feel for how that works. Also, he doesn't blame himself, and all the damage that would do is automatically avoided. Tell him that it's not his job to make you happy. That always went over well with my son and daughter, as if I had just taken a load off them. I said it every time they saw me sad.
I hope you don't find it offensive that I have said these things. I am glad that the good part of your life is starting now.
Thank you so much for your encouragement and advice. I will always remember to tell my son it is NOT his job to make me happy. I can remember as a child feeling this was my job. I felt I needed to protect and keep my mother happy. I plan to talk to my son often and age appropriately about good touch verses bad touch. Your words are not offensive at all. Again thank you for sharing with me.
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