Saturday, June 29, 2013

Sex for Survivors... Suffering Partners.

Partners, do you feel like you suffer symptoms with your survivor at times?

Do you feel overwhelmed trying understanding your survivor and how to help them?
What about a help manual for when they start having a panic attack? Anxiety attack? Flash back?

Does it frustrate you to no end that YOU are the one suffering through the "walls" your survivor puts up to protect herself/himself because of past abuse(s)?
Wouldn't it be nice to get a break from something you did not ask to inherit?
Wouldn't it be nice to not feel punished at times for some monster's transgressions on your survivor?
Don't you hate wrestling with "If I couldn't do this anymore would my survivor make it without me?"

Partners, you're not alone and as a survivor let me say: I am sorry!
I am sorry there is not much material out there to help you find support.
I am sorry for the lies your survivor may tell you out of fear and trying to somehow protect you from her/his horrible past.
I am sorry for the truths that will come out about your survivors' past that will rip your heart out and bring new pain to you.
I am sorry that you won't be allowed to be anything but strong for your partner while you're dying for them on the inside. 
I am sorry that there will be times when you intimately touch your survivor with only pure intentions and watch them suffer an attack. 
I am sorry for the overwhelming EVERYTHING that comes with being in love and in relationship with a survivor.
Your part in the journey of recovery... SUCKS!
It CAN be the most rewarding but, you won't know if that is the case for you and your survivor until you get there. OUCH!

There are some beautiful and amazing things your survivor holds for you but, there is also a lot of WORK involved for you.

Partners, you're not alone. If you find yourself suffering for your survivor, get help.
Reach out. If you're going to make it with your survivor you have to get involved in the healing process by getting "down and dirty" in it with your survivor.  That means going to therapy, counseling, studying, or reading to help you understand your survivor. The pain you feel is fresh and your survivor has been baring the burden of their past for a long while.
Often it just helps to know you're not alone. 
If you have questions or just need to vent the aches of your heart in a safe place and your next counseling session isn't soon enough. Please, email REVJHG@HOTMAIL.COM 

1 comment:

  1. I try to put myself in the situations back then and how my husband could feel or think, but how he acted doesnt seem like any of this was present. Maybe why were getting divorced.